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NAME: “Expecteria Trouserius” (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower frontal abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling occurs followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. It has been known to attack men in the lower posterior section, resulting in an incurable disease and consequent death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.


TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the initial bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reportedly successful.


1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile,with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, starting to spit.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last known time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 15 - 20 minutes.


This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and when treated with the right kind of respect, makes a wonderful pet.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Nov. 10th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
It makes a wonderful pet? Really?

If I spend enough time milking one, is that sufficient enough training for it to be my pet?

And will it fetch the paper in the morning?

~ evalyn
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )